You’re a bully and you make me the butt of your jokes to make everyone else laugh. So called friends mean nothing these days.

I’m actually so upset right now. I am no closer to finding out whats wrong with me, yet another test has come back with no results and i’m still stuck here in pain not knowing what to do. I’ve been like this for around a month now and its fucking up everything.. i’m missing college, driving lessons and its even affecting work. I just want to be better. So a doctors appointment on Friday to find out what new tests i now have to take and a blood test :(

Trying to hold in how much of a prick I think you are. As to why I’m writing this on here and not twitter.

I don’t want to be in pain anymore :( its fucking everything up.

So like my worst nightmare came true, after writing that post the other day now it’s all seeming to come true. Spent all of last night in a&e after having really bad abdominal pains..had to have another stupid blood test from my hand. Turns out my tablets have affected my kidneys and that is most likely the cause of my pain..I have to have another blood test Wednesday which means 3 in a week when I fucking hate them! And got a hospital appointment Wednesday too..really hope this all gets sorted :(

I don’t think some people actually understand what im doing to myself. I know its not their fault because this is my problem, but this could actually maybe make my life hell in the future. This medication is prone to cause Kidney and Liver failure yet i still seem to take it. Its completely helped me and i couldnt be happier with the outcome, but after having all these little problems and thinking they were nothing to now find out that they are in fact a side effect scares me a little. When i say to people im feeling unwell and they still try to get me to do stuff its like no seriously im not well. I don’t want to stop taking these but im scared if i do what the outcome may be. Im having blood tests every month now (which i HATE) and hospital appointments all the time, which im getting rather sick of. Im suffering from side effects as i type this and im sick of having them while im working because no one actually understands how much pain they can put me in, people just think i can push through it but i don’t know how much longer i can be this strong. I struggle through work every weekend after being in pain after an hour of being there and having another 7 to go. I don’t even know why im typing this here. Just needed to put it somewhere i guess. 

Its weird thinking about that, i’ve seen an advert thats made me think. I honestly don’t know a single person i’m comfortable talking to about it, its nothing person against anyone its just hard and strange. It still disgusts me. The line that was on the advert was exactly what someone said to me. Scary.

The fact that you think of me as your ‘booty call’ (thank you Stan) is disgusting. You know i wont fuck you so why fucking ring me all the time at early hours of the morning asking to see me.